Monday, September 10, 2007

It's Coming!

This time last year we were living large in Hong Kong and on our way into the great unknown. When I was waiting for a pregnancy to end, I was tired of playing hostess and really wanted my body back, but I was also ready to get my hands on a sweet little baby. Turns out they are pretty much blobs, but it is amazing how tickled you can get while watching a baby sleep.

It was so fabulously different waiting for Lyvia after we got our referral -- nothing good about the never ending wait for referral. I swear I wake up in night sweats on occasion thinking I'm still in the midst of those dreary days.

This time we were getting a little girl who already had likes and dislikes and unfortunately we were going to be strangers to her. Who knew what that little girl had in store for us! I was thrilled with the challenge, but the closer we got to her, the more serious I became. Suddenly the closet full of baby girl clothes and things I might normally be excited about didn't mean so much. Creating a space for our child where she could begin to her new journey as easily as possible became very important.

We were filled with lots of hope and knew all the motions, but the emotions were so much more complicated. Different children handle this huge life transition in a spectrum of ways and we had to brace ourselves for so many game plans. What if she doesn't like us? Or worse likes only ONE of us! Where do we bottle all this excitement if something starts to feel off kilter while trying to connect with her. What condition will she be in and how do you make these convoluted bottles the babies here seem to like (large hole, hot, unknown Chinese brand, added rice cereal.)

Our minds skipped from scenario to scenario and we talked about how we were going to pave the way for a relationship with her. Again we talked about how we would handle utter rejection (not well, it was decided, but the "chosen one" was to be oh so sympathetic.) We also needed to not feel too serious and allow ourselves some rejoicing so when we shared this experience with her later in life she would know she came to us with our hearts wide open and welcoming.

Slowly we just kept moving towards the day they placed her in our arms and our care. Pretty Hong Kong temple (baby coming soon), fascinating Hong Kong history (baby coming soon), shopping in Stanley Market (baby coming soon), world famous Peninsula Hotel high tea (baby coming soon.) Anytime we were awake, the air was charged -- she was never far from our minds.

I also wondered how we should paint a picture that includes her losses with our gains. She had already lost a family and now we were taking her culture, language and country. Even though she was still a mystery to me and we hadn't even met, I thought about the life that stretched before her and wondered how the symphony would be played. It is humbling to realize you are moving some one's mountains. Change was coming for Shi-Shi -- big change.


Anonymous Barbara said...

This is such a sweet post and just shows how deep and wide your heart is.

You and Jason have rescued Lyvi, have opened the world to her, and have filled her life with love and possibility. She completed your family as all of you completed hers. Surely the mountains of her early life would have proved less than nurturing had she remained there.

There is time in the years ahead to reintroduce elements of China to Lyvi. While she's little and a sponge for knowledge, perhaps someone can teach her (and the family?) the Chinese language of her native part of China? Surely Lyvi will give you clues as to what she wants and needs to know at each part of her life. As comes naturally to you, her questions will be met with honest and open answers so she feels safe asking anything.

Blessings as you learn the balance of Lyvi being the beloved baby of the family and her having inate ties to China.

More hugs and love - Barbara :D

9:18 AM  

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